PRE SEASON EXPO BOUT @ INCREDIROLL AUGUST 19

PRE SEASON EXPO BOUT @ INCREDIROLL AUGUST 19

Tea Krulos rolled into Incrediroll with a bad girl crew of Beerleaders and almost immediately started boxing a big ugly Russian dude, who probably showed up with the Rollettes. Biiiiiiiiig mofo, with claw scars on his head. Being a gentleman, Tea Krulos follows Queensberry rules, an old order of boxing etiquette.
“Let’s do this thing.” He told the Russian. He got in 38 solid punches (thwak, thwackity, twack, twack, left jab, right, right, right, left, left, twack, twack) before he was knocked out. Oh well, it was just a video game!

RUSHIN’ ROLLETTES, 43 points V.S. SHEVIL KNEVILS, 23 points
The Rollettes commanded the lead and jammer Fly Girl was in top form imposing a ‘no fly zone’ on the 8’s. Fellow Rollette Dr. Hari Huha got much “hoo-ing” and “ha-ing” from the crowd. The Knevils tried to keep it real with solid jams from Trash Talkin Tina, Milwaukee’s Breast, and newbie Irrational Velvet. Velvet tried to get rational with this reporter when he asked her if she thought the Knevils could pull through with a winning season.
“When you say pull through I immediately get a vision of a diseased old person beating that creepy old person disease. Please understand that the phrase pull through does not belong in the same sentence as Shevil. If you'd asked if we'd fight the good fight this year, Tea, with super extra awe inspiring, bruise inflicting derby tricks , I'd say ABSOLUTELY!” Velvet stated. Could the Knevils be this year’s champs?

CRAZY 8’S, 35 points V.S. MAIDEN MILWAUKEE, 23 points
The mysterious and elusive Sea Hag has returned! Newbies Mandini(MM) and The Mechanic(8’s) had a well played, intense match up. They were neck and neck but Mandini “falled it and called it”. Servin Justice(8’s) reminded everyone why she’s called “The Wall” as she knocked over a mess of Maidens. Things hit ground zero for newbie Nukly R. Assault(MM) as the EMTs examined her ankle and wheeled her out.
“My left ankle twisted in and my whole body kind of crunched on it. Hurt like hell when it happened and swelled up a bit. But it was just a sprain and is healing very fast.” Assault informed me.
The Maidens couldn’t catch up despite stellar skating by Romainiac, Sea Hag, Rejected Seoul, and company. I asked Maully Malone if she was confident in her team’s abilities this year.
“I know the maidens will continually gain momentum and see a winning season. Have you seen how rad our new girls are? All our team does is progress and learn and grow together more and more every week. We're really excited to see what we do this year.” She said. Fellow Maiden and former ref Gloria Hole added,
“With the expos over and the pre-season rapidly drawing to a close, I'd like to give one final shout-out to the Dirty Thirty and take a second to say how proud I am to have been a part of such a fabulous gang of hardworking ladies.” Could the Maidens be this year’s champs?

THE SHOCKER
The Beerleaders were in fine form doing “The Girls Want To Be Her” by Peaches. A hand gesture known as “the shocker” was displayed. If you are not familiar with “the shocker” or how indeed one “rocks it” you won’t find out here because I do not want to corrupt the innocent minds reading this e-newsletter.

CRAZY 8’s WIN BIG, 43 points V.S. Rushin’ Rollettes, 21 points
The 8’s were itching to rematch the Rollettes after the Rollettes walked away with last year’s championship. The skating was fast and furious. The Rollettes jammer squad included Fly Girl, Rhoda Ruin, and Fidela Castrate, who was a blocker last season. I asked her if liked jamming or blocking better.
"I enjoy both equally, either way this season I will be like a Cuban chopping down sugar cane." Tough words. Could the Rollettes be this year’s champs? The 8’s kept it rolling steady with Pabsty Cline, who got into an ugly ankle twister, Cookie Ciano, Termiskater, and Abba Zabba. It was a solid performance and they pushed ahead to beat the Rollettes by 22 points. Could the 8’s be this year’s champs?
Find out this season!