Featured Bruiser- Ivanna Smackdavitch

Sitting in an airport on her way back from New Orleans, Ivanna (she later added the Smackdavitch) saw a TV show (Rollergirls)on a Texas Roller Derby team. She says it seemed to her that all the best girls were in this sport and if she wanted to meet them she would need to be a derby girl herself. The Bruisers provided her with that opportunity. Stranded by her friends that graduated and moved on she needed a way to meet the badass girls of Milwaukee. Knowing that volleyball leagues and such were not the place for her she joined the Bruisers to meet all the “cool chicks” in this city.
Apart from all the badass girls that the Bruisers have to offer there is also the role of competition in derby. Ivanna feels that it provides a healthy outlet for competition among women which most don’t have. She says that it helps make women more at ease with themselves and have more self-confidence through competition and exercise but also friendship with the other girls. Are there any downsides to derby? According to Ivanna “No, hell no.”
As the Captain of the notoriously most hated team in Milwaukee, the Rushin Rollettes, Ivanna says she feels proud to hold that title. The team is more then happy to embrace that title because they pride themselves on being the most badass. A win in this season's championship solidifies their right to boast that title. However, behind closed doors it is clear that this team holds some of the league's “most kind and wonderful girls” according to their Captain.
profile by Hannah Mog

Championship Bout, December 15

Note- the featured Bruisers will be added after the holiday.
Bruiser Stadium was in a festive mood with a "Grandma Got Run Over By a Roller Girl" theme. But the question on everyone's mind was, who will take all? It's been a long road and a great first season. The Bruisers have done what they had to do, every step of the way.

The GRUDGE MATCH- Shevils v.s. Maidens
The Maidens started racking up an early lead despite some aggression from Knevils Alovicious, Punch Kisser, and Captain Becky the Butcher. Punch Kisser was first to the penalty box, and just a couple jams after getting out was right back at it, taking out Sexi Mexi. In an unusual jam just before the half, Maiden Milwaukee Captain Killer Jiller had a false start when she took off at the first whistle instead of the second. Jiller and Punch Kisser collided when taking a corner. Jiller suffered a knee injury and was taken away by the EMTs, although it was later updated that she will be ok. In the last jam before the half, the Maidens got a penalty for too many skaters on the track, but this did little to slow them down. Rejected Seoul did a slick dance move to gain the lead jammer position and the Maidens lead by 17 points.

The CHAMPIONSHIP- Crazy 8's v.s. Rollettes

Everyone was excited to see who would come out on top as the first Bruiser champions and it turned out to be a real nail biter. Reina Pain proved to be a smooth skater. After taking down Pound Anya , A Lethal Weapon ended up in the penalty box, where the Drag Queens guarding it have probably started charging her rent. She was soon joined by her team mate Abba Zabba. Fly Girl slid and took out ref Machete Holiday. Mel Evolence was sent packing and the 8's trailed by just three at the half.

HALFTIME

The Beerleaders did a booty shakin hip hop routine.

It was the last night as a Beerleader for Kim N'Tonic, but she will be back as a skater for next season. Newbies will be drafted into the league in the off season. There will be more familiar faces in the draft, including referee Gloria Hole, who had this to say. “To be honest, I'll be happy no matter what team I wind up on - all these girls are awesome and I'd be honored to skate with any of them.” Bootsi Call moved here from Las Vegas, where she skated for the Neander Dolls in the Sin City Derby league. She has helped with reffing, and was a guest skater for the Shevils this bout.
“Butcher is great. I am so glad that I was able to play as a special guest on her team. I love the BCBs! Everyone has been so welcoming of me. My real hope is for the Bruisers to go to Vegas and beat my derby orgins on their own turf- but that might not happen until spring 08." Bootsy said. That would be pretty sweet!

GRUDGE MATCH- Maidens beat Shevils, 74-35
It became quickly obvious that the Knevils wanted to go down shooting. Crazy Janie and Becky the Butcher were both sent to the cage early on. Punch Kisser slammed Beezlebelle with her shoulder, knocking her down twice. Then the legend continued when Pistolero clashed with Rejected Seoul. Readers of "Talk Derby To Me" will remeber their rumble at the October bout and post bout smack talk in this column. Brutal! I asked Rejected Seoul for comments on Round 2.

"Well you know paybacks a bitch. The way she was lookin I could tell she wanted to feel Rejected and there's more then enough Seoul to go around. So the track is even and if she decides to take me down again I'll be too busy look'n Good." Seoul said.

Next up, Becky the Butcher picked a fight with Grace Killy, who threw her jammer patch (the identifing material with a star that fits over the helmet) to the floor in anger after both were sent to the box. Becky explains her motivation. "I just wanted to show her where all her show-boating would get her. Besides I knew she was just dying to have some alone time with me in the cage."

"We've all seen Butcher do that maneuver before. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of taking me down easily. As soon as she grabbed my arm I decided I was going to take her for a ride and I dragged her for most of the back straight before I let her know how I felt about her tactics. Damn dirty play." Killy responded. She was the top scorer of the night, netting 32 big points. This incident left the next jam with the awkward position of having no jammers for the first minute. After a minute, Rejected Seoul and Alovicious rushed in. The match ended with a no holds barred, battle royale fight with both teams, the zebras, and even the Drag Queens and announcer Joe Calcutta. I had a great view of the whole thing and it originated with a tango between Crazy Janie and troublemaker Kinky Tuscadero. I asked Tuscadero if she had an explanation.

“Whenever I show my ass off in silver hotpants it's not uncommon for a dozen people to fall over and start fighting each other.
This time, however, I just happened to catch Crazy Janie give me a trashy snicker, so you KNOW I had to take that hot mama DOWN! When Sugar Tank came and started spankin' on my silver bumper, it was all over. Who wouldn't want to get in on that action?! They don't call it the 'All Natural Weapon of Ass Distraction' for nothin', Darlin.” Later she admitted to how close this reporter was to ending up a statistic. "I was just about to take YOU out when the whole thing was called off. Count your lucky stars, my friend." Yowza!
The Maidens won big. I think Punch Kisser described the Knevil situation best.
“Derby is all I think of, I replay the game over and over and can't wait for next season when our losses can be avenged!” she said.

ROLLETTES WIN CHAMPIONSHIP, 42-35
The moment of truth drew close, and the half started with a skull rattling injury to Mae Killya. It happaned to be her birthday, so the announcers led the crowd in singing "Happy Birthday" while the EMTS examined her. I asked her if this was a weird moment for her.

"I didn't hear it until I got up. You see, I was still hearing little tweeting birdies."

She turned out to be alright, and a few jams later was back in the game, and got herself into the penalty box. Pabsty Cline and Kat Scratch Fever were both sent to the cage, which didn't help the 8's, and Cookie Ciano had trouble getting past Rollettes blocker extradonaire Fidela Castrate. The clock was running out, which was good news for the Rollettes, as more and more players were sent to the box, including Reina Pain and Roadie Foster. Holly DeClaw and Little Miss Tuffhit began to bang heads.

"I guess I pissed her off somehow...but there was no way I was gonna fight. The game was too close and I was not gonna end up in the penalty box for fighting.
My mom was really proud of me for not fighting." DeClaw told me, and mad props to Ma DeClaw.
"ummm yeah...sometimes you just gotta take a girl out! Thats what happens when you get in my way." explains Tuffhit. Poptart seemed to suffer an injury near the last jam, "I pulled something in my leg when Servin knocked me down." she later told me.
The Rollettes sealed the deal, sealing the deal for the championship by just seven points.
WHAT NEXT?
On a personal note, I wanted to say what I great time I've had writing this column from the Summerfest expo bouts all the way through the season. I've had such a blast, I'm definately going to carry on writintg it next season, and would like to do a couple update columns in the off season about the draft and other things going on. Until then, keep TALK'N DERBY!

Finals Pictures

All these photos by Paul Kjelland. He shot alot of great photos, and I have more coming in from Jen Blando. I will post more after I sort through them.

RUSHIN' ROLLETTES WIN CHAMPIONSHIP!

Congradulations to the Rollettes, 2006 Derby champs! I'm writing and drinking and the column on the finals bout should be posted here within a day or two.




photo by Paul Kjelland

Liv Wrong Season One Injuries

Click on it to see a bigger version. Drawing by Tea Krulos.